“Dad bods are the best” – say’s most women in their 20s (new study finds).

Women young and old have been drawn to the delicate curvature of the dad bod for Millenia, the oldest human cave paintings dating back to 10,000bc feature murals showing the form of the aged mesamorph physique being depicted as a sexual icon and irresistible to all females by human instinct.

But is this phenomenon exclusive to homo-sapiens? If so, why?

Our chimp primate ancestors (or cousins if you come from Franklin) had no tendency to lean towards heavier built and rotund torso’s with hairy belly buttons for sexual partners. As far as the animal kingdom is concerned – your best bet in that regard is to charge fertile counterparts full force, aesthetics and therefore visual acuity (besides aim) having very little bearing on reproductive success.

Homo-erectus were the first upright anatomically modern humanoid creatures with social structures and communicative abilities complex enough to nurture and accentuate the values associated with having a dad bod, and therefore females finding them so attractive such as in modern times.

references: Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harrari

Its not just that they are soft and furry

The records have proven time and time again that dad bods are torquey as all f**k. If you want someone to shovel coal, remove a tree stump, or wrestle old-world Australian megafauna, look no further than your nearest friend with a square body, biceps the same size as his thighs, the whispy remnants of a hairline, and a monster snail trail.

But lets not be mistaken. Dad bods are soft and furry and theres no debating that the appeal here is indubitable and widespread.

“My ex-girlfriend said she liked me having a dad bod and then dumped me for a guy called Brad”.

We’ve all been there and the simple explanation for this is that temporal hormonal fluctuations in the monthly cycle can cause degradation of the visual cortex and also the sinuses and smell receptors. Basically, if any women has ever gone off your Dad bod you can be sure its down to a lack of accurate sensory input data from the eyes and nose. Dad bods not only look incredible but they smell amazing too – hot or cold, rain or shine, clean or smothered in cheeto dust. If you cant see quality when its staring you in the face then you should go for a long motorbike ride with someones gay son in backc0untry America.

references: Zen & the art of motorcycle maintenance.

Why are we talking about monkeys?

Because monkeys have bodies and they also have Dads. The next time you go to a monkey cage just think about the Father of the monkey in the cage, imagine his body in respect to the younger more eligible chimp counterparts.

Besides, everything in science is related to monkeys.

References: 2001 a space oddysey.

contributed by: conkonig profile_image

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